On Drinking

Flipping heck, I’ve been bad about this whole journalism thing. I’m considering next term taking up photoblogging, because at least then you’d get a glimpse into what I’m glimpsing. I’m not convinced that my photographs are worth a thousand words, but…better than what we’ve got here, right? Four entries in half as many months – shameful!

So. Today we’ll be discussing that time-honored and unmistakably British tradition of tea. With a capital TEA. Oh goodness…

First, the term is confusing for those of you who haven’t been fully exposed to the cultural experience. Even I, having inherited tea-drinking from my father, a man who drinks several cups a day, and having lived in England as a child, did not accurately grasp just what I was getting into. As I was setting up my room last term, I purchased a cup and a tea kettle for the imbibing of the British beverage, but I only got one (rather large) mug, and one (really very small) kettle, thinking that tea would be drunk in a similar manner to coffee – quickly, over several textbooks, and as a stimulant or substitute for food. Not so. If I had to do it over again, I would invest in a cute little tea set, and a large electric kettle. Tea, in some parts of this country, is actually a meal, one that replaces dinner (or well actually it replaces supper, and dinner is served for lunch…but I won’t get into that). In Devon, there are Devonshire cream teas, involving tea and cakes and scones and, obviously, Devonshire clotted cream. Which is delicious. Tea is more than a simple drink. As a student, tea is essentially an opportunity for socializing. Okay, some kids do use it as a sleep-substitute, stopping just short of getting it intravenously, but generally taking tea is all about taking a break from the books, sitting down with friends, and having a cuppa (I actually have never heard anyone talk about ‘cuppas’) with some cakes.

Cakes and puddings: the perfect accessories to teatime. In the UK, the term ‘cake’ has a somewhat broader definition. And certainly ‘pudding’ does. If you’re looking for a place to get something tasty to accompany a good cup of tea, Marks and Spencer's would be it. Here is a list of some of the things I’ve sampled: a Victoria spongecake, some chocolate mousse cups, various assorted cupcakes, a lemon cheesecake, (of course) molten chocolate molleux, profiteroles. I’ve also made a pavlova and tried some of Owen’s lemon tart and Constance’s cream and honey sandwiches (NOT technically British, Owen would add) over the course of six months of drinking tea in the British manner. Interestingly, I feel less gross and fat about myself here than I did at Richmond. Maybe it has to do with all the cycling. And coxing. Riiight.

While the tea ceremony is certainly relaxed in the dormitory rooms of university students, some people still have particular rituals or standards that need to be fulfilled so that the integrity of teatime is preserved. I’m not sure. I’ll submit certain Welsh individuals as the pickiest of tea-drinkers, with the rest of my legal friends at the other end of the spectrum, and the Russians – well Russian – somewhere in the middle. No one will keep a teabag in the cup as they’re drinking, for instance, and few will leave the spoon in. That's all pretty logical, I suppose. Issues that cause more angst concern the components of the cup of tea. Some, for instance, like fruit or flower teas, while others are very strict that normal, English tea is the only tea worth consuming. (This is striking a chord with my father, I bet.) And of course, the milk and sugar debate continues to rage: white with two? One thing I had half-expected to see was a confrontation of teabags in general, but fascinatingly, loose tea seems to be a thing of the past, at least for the Brits I drink with. Fascinating. I have, on the other hand, had a discussion about what gets poured first, milk or tea – there was actually a very unofficial and unscientific study done about this back in the day – but apparently there’s no longer any contest; pouring milk first is not posh, it’s absurd. “Uncouth,” I think was the exact word used.

Yes…I am not completely so far gone that I don’t see the bizarreness in all this. I guess it’s something like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for Americans, though: we just want what we want, and there’ll be hell to pay if, say, someone tries to foist strawberry jelly on us instead of grape, cut the thing vertically and not diagonally, or (heaven forefend!) try and sneak some nasty chunky peanuts in there. Ickkk. I think people here are also aware of teatime as a funny tradition, and are not above poking fun of it in true British fashion. I was at an art film screening the other week, and I think the piece that was most well-received was the “Posh Monday Society,” a mockumentary about a fraternity of upper class Oxford tea-drinkers. I think it’s on youtube if you’re that interested, though it may not appeal if you don’t fully embrace the tea-drinking lifestyle (or if you do, but don’t like being made fun of). Anyway, I am working on setting a little informal experiment of my own in which I offer tea to Brits at inopportune moments and see whether they ever actually refuse. My guess is no, unless they’ve literally just come from drinking a cup of tea in their own rooms. First though, I have to get a larger kettle and some attractive cups…and I think Owen has a Victoria cake somewhere…