Beware the Jabberduck

I’ve never really been a nature lover or fauna-phile (wow that’s about five different kinds of wrong), but as you are most likely deprived of field and garden guides, I thought I might fill you in. Aside from a passing nod to student boppers and the (very) odd early-morning falcon, we’ve as yet had no mention of the local wildlife. The Bodlean Library gets one copy of every – and I mean every – publication in the UK, so I should be able to do at least a little enlightening research on this topic.

So I started – and ended – my fieldwork at the duck pond. Don’t judge me…I’m no Costa Rican (Brianna) and I’m not about to go dig for spiders. The duck pond is about two minutes walking distance from college, closer if you are able to leap across the River Cherwell, which I am not. While walking to the park, I saw some dogs. They were big and shaggy. Perhaps they were laboradors or retrievers…mhmmm…are those the same? Whichever, I am interested in wildlife, not domesticated animals. Moving past the four-legged beasties and their aged two-legged poo-toting servants, I approached some ominous black birds. Research has just indicated that they were most likely not blackbirds de facto, but instead some type of crows – members of the Corvidae family. Like, a raven. Or crow. Or jackdaw! Or even a rook, but I hope not, because those things seem scary, according to Wikipedia.

Anyway, the birds in question ended up not being too scary, as they flapped away upon the approach of some fluffy little squirrels. Squirrels in the UK appear to be much cuter than they are in the States; they’re grey and fat and small with big bushy tails and they basically look just like Beatrix Potter’s squirrels. (Riveting stuff, this is. Also, I’m starting to think that I should stick to brains.) Also, these squirrels are really bold and don’t run up trees if you come near them, and I think I could probably catch one if I tried, but I won’t because I’m not that stupid.

And we have reached the duck pond!

I brought some stale bread along as bait – Sainsbury’s sells these delicious olive bread rolls that are four for a quid, but you have to eat them all in a day or they get a bit dry. The ducks didn’t seem to mind, though. I made friends with a mallard, although I didn’t catch his name. A smallish white bird along the lines of a gull (sorry, no clue) thought the best way to get food from me would be to hover about two feet in front of my face. Actually, that method is surprisingly effective…terror works. Some other British waterfowl spotted at the duckpond included: swans, some kind of mini duck, and some red-beaked blackish birds with freaky long toes.

I hear there have been hedgehog spottings in the grounds behind LMH, and I personally witnessed a pheasant messing about in the underbrush, but other than that, nothing. England appears only to have birds and rodents. I haven’t even seen much evidence for insect and arachnoid life, which I think is wonderful (although I guess the naturalists would have something to say about that. Maybe I’m not digging in the right places). Oh, I also observed some sheep when I was in/around Wales. Still, generally I think I’m right – this country is a small and cultivated island, and nature programs will back me up when I say that there are no wild predators in England. All lions, tigers, bears, and yes, even cougars are imported, and the most wild thing you’ll find in Oxford will be the common pubcrawler.